also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you traded sex for a burrito?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
