So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
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Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
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The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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