I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
