Non-Jews are for practice
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Randomize
