if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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