Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
