Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
