My Higher Power is John Stamos
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
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