yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
