the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
