If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
