Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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