shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Thank you for not boning my boss.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
