I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
