I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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