my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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