Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
