remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
