I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
