umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
