I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
