My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
