why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Even the bartender felt bad for me
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
