oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
