how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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