I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Also, beer. Big fan.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
