I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
