it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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