I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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