I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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