what if every blade of grass was a penis?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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