just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
