i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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