I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
