How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Is it because I queefed?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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