im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
