just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
