ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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