Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
