her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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