That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
