i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
