I would go down on you faster than GM stock
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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