you would pick up someone in the library
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
