Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
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