yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
