I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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