please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
no you cant smoke seaweed
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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