The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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