I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just blew my weed a kiss
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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