I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
