this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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