my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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