My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
