Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
