I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize
