i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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