if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Randomize
