we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
