you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
