Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
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i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
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Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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