that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Such a big mess for such a small penis
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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