Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
