You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
