It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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