apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
