did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
So vagazzling was a success
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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