She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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