thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
