lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
