This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
