So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Your penis caused this!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
