It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
