Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
