anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
