I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
