If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Randomize
