areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
