everyone is single if you try hard enough
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
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there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
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Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?