Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.