He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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