Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts

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  (248): I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts http://tfl.nu/hn1f
  Replies (7) Good night (2826) Bad night (758)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.

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  (940): I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one. http://tfl.nu/z4fm
  Replies (34) Good night (1098) Bad night (3557)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur

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  (410): she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur http://tfl.nu/hhzt
  Replies (36) Good night (12059) Bad night (842)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.

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  (407): My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options. http://tfl.nu/3za2
  Replies (33) Good night (3878) Bad night (1560)
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  (914): View more from New York

  at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.

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  (914): at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors. http://tfl.nu/h61j
  Replies (5) Good night (3701) Bad night (1163)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?

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  (+44): Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong? http://tfl.nu/qz2n
  Replies (44) Good night (2520) Bad night (6729)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..

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  (519): you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism.. http://tfl.nu/640h
  Replies (2) Good night (2445) Bad night (1180)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved

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  (480): Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved http://tfl.nu/be00
  Replies (2) Good night (1047) Bad night (2278)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)

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  (602): Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...) http://tfl.nu/p4po
  Replies (13) Good night (1069) Bad night (1832)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.

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  (604): He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there. http://tfl.nu/lavl
  Replies (10) Good night (2115) Bad night (696)
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?

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  (361): Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck? http://tfl.nu/ihmp
  Replies (5) Good night (2109) Bad night (988)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance

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  (773): Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance http://tfl.nu/swas
  Replies (3) Good night (1064) Bad night (656)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.

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  (413): dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid. http://tfl.nu/a0c8
  Replies (8) Good night (550) Bad night (1020)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs

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  (919): to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs http://tfl.nu/1k80
  Replies (7) Good night (553) Bad night (339)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.

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  (904): All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night. http://tfl.nu/nzep
  Replies (16) Good night (422) Bad night (1850)

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