we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
handjob tips. give me some.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.